The short answer, explained
The deadline on your letter is the one that matters most. HMRC typically allows around 30 days, but the actual date printed on your correspondence overrides any general rule of thumb.
If you genuinely need more time, ask before the deadline arrives rather than after. HMRC officers can, and often do, agree reasonable extensions when asked with a clear explanation.
Ignoring the deadline entirely, rather than negotiating it, is what tends to cause real problems.

